"I never know what I think about someting until I read what I've written on it."
-William Faulkner
There has been times, I felt out of place, alienated from the world especially as a child growing up. I certainly have felt this way here in Korea since most of the time I don't understand what people are saying around me. Life can be a series of puzzels in which no answers are possible.
I was on the bus in Daejeon today and it was a pleasant ride other then the fact I was holding on for dear life as usual. The bus driver, a young and seemingly pleasant man, got up while the bus was stopped for a red light and said something very harsh to this lady sitting a few seats behind me. She answered him back as if to defend herself. The bus was was not full but there were a few people. She had several black bags on the floor in front of her. He sat down and then got up and said a few things angerly to her again. The young ladies behind me giggled. She was about 50 years old and I have no idea what that was about. I will never know for I left the bus a short time later.
I have been yelled at on several occasions in which I still don't know why. I don't even know the things that were said to me. It took two months to get my first paycheck and I was scared that I would faint for not having enough food. I had my journal and wrote about how I was feeling and what I felt about the people yelling at me. I love classical music and I missed hearing music for what seemed to me a very long time and I wrote about that. I wrote about not having anything to read as my Sony Reader could not be re-charged since I did not have a laptop. I can look up and see those journals sitting on top of the shelf above this laptop where I am typing this into this blog.
I did not feel I belonged anywhere. I would just sit around people who would be talking around me in Korean and think about going home. I take out my journal and start to write and then I would feel right at home. Then I would not feel so lonely afterall.
Things are better now, but I still have my problems. I still don't understand what is going on around me but I am better in guessing. I feel real affection for certain people especially my landlady who is just a little younger than me but must be superwoman in disquise. Everytime I see her she is working, walking and is always cheerful and then helps me carry my packages up the stairs. She has a huge Victory Garden in the back that is doing well and gives me some produce every so often. Her husband says she is a stuntwoman and is never still. He is very nice too. The other day, he was on the top floor watching the Internet people repair the lines and I told him I wanted to pay my rent. He thought I said I needed some money. He came down to give me some. I said no, I needed to give him some. They keep asking if I want a taxi when I said no because I need to walk otherwise I won't lose weight.
Writing in my journal helps me formulate what I think about things and people. Sometimes, I think one way but after I write in my journal I find out I have different ideas. Then I quote myself in class or in a conversation. Sometimes, I am scared and feel very alone; but after I am writing for awhile I don't feel that way at all.
I know a concert violinist in the United States who has concerts half the year but practices every single day. He told me that when he first started the violin as a kid, his teacher said he was a so-so violinist. He kept practicing everyday and his next teacher was the one who informed him that he had the markings of a concert violinist. He thought the best he could do was play in a good orchestra. Now, he even makes recordings. The journal for me is my practice sessions. I write in it every single day both electronically and by hand. I like the one by hand because I can draw it in as well. I, too, was told that I was a so-so writer. Now, people tell me differently.
There are two things a writer must do all of the time without exception: write and read. The journal is an essential part of the writing when you are warming up to do your writing on whatever project is at hand. Reading is looking at what other writers have done and getting ideas and inspiration for your own work. Both are fun too.
-William Faulkner
There has been times, I felt out of place, alienated from the world especially as a child growing up. I certainly have felt this way here in Korea since most of the time I don't understand what people are saying around me. Life can be a series of puzzels in which no answers are possible.
I was on the bus in Daejeon today and it was a pleasant ride other then the fact I was holding on for dear life as usual. The bus driver, a young and seemingly pleasant man, got up while the bus was stopped for a red light and said something very harsh to this lady sitting a few seats behind me. She answered him back as if to defend herself. The bus was was not full but there were a few people. She had several black bags on the floor in front of her. He sat down and then got up and said a few things angerly to her again. The young ladies behind me giggled. She was about 50 years old and I have no idea what that was about. I will never know for I left the bus a short time later.
I have been yelled at on several occasions in which I still don't know why. I don't even know the things that were said to me. It took two months to get my first paycheck and I was scared that I would faint for not having enough food. I had my journal and wrote about how I was feeling and what I felt about the people yelling at me. I love classical music and I missed hearing music for what seemed to me a very long time and I wrote about that. I wrote about not having anything to read as my Sony Reader could not be re-charged since I did not have a laptop. I can look up and see those journals sitting on top of the shelf above this laptop where I am typing this into this blog.
I did not feel I belonged anywhere. I would just sit around people who would be talking around me in Korean and think about going home. I take out my journal and start to write and then I would feel right at home. Then I would not feel so lonely afterall.
Things are better now, but I still have my problems. I still don't understand what is going on around me but I am better in guessing. I feel real affection for certain people especially my landlady who is just a little younger than me but must be superwoman in disquise. Everytime I see her she is working, walking and is always cheerful and then helps me carry my packages up the stairs. She has a huge Victory Garden in the back that is doing well and gives me some produce every so often. Her husband says she is a stuntwoman and is never still. He is very nice too. The other day, he was on the top floor watching the Internet people repair the lines and I told him I wanted to pay my rent. He thought I said I needed some money. He came down to give me some. I said no, I needed to give him some. They keep asking if I want a taxi when I said no because I need to walk otherwise I won't lose weight.
Writing in my journal helps me formulate what I think about things and people. Sometimes, I think one way but after I write in my journal I find out I have different ideas. Then I quote myself in class or in a conversation. Sometimes, I am scared and feel very alone; but after I am writing for awhile I don't feel that way at all.
I know a concert violinist in the United States who has concerts half the year but practices every single day. He told me that when he first started the violin as a kid, his teacher said he was a so-so violinist. He kept practicing everyday and his next teacher was the one who informed him that he had the markings of a concert violinist. He thought the best he could do was play in a good orchestra. Now, he even makes recordings. The journal for me is my practice sessions. I write in it every single day both electronically and by hand. I like the one by hand because I can draw it in as well. I, too, was told that I was a so-so writer. Now, people tell me differently.
There are two things a writer must do all of the time without exception: write and read. The journal is an essential part of the writing when you are warming up to do your writing on whatever project is at hand. Reading is looking at what other writers have done and getting ideas and inspiration for your own work. Both are fun too.
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