I have always kept a journal. I am one of those who love doing it. When I taught writing and English, I encouraged it and never graded the content of it. I was always hoping that people would discover the joy of writing everyday because it definitely has its advantages. I meditate every morning and long incorporated writing into my form of meditation. I adjusted it to fit me. I think that is what each of us should do.
I always felt that there were people who had inner directed lives and those who needed direction from an outer source. I am one of those who sought direction from within. It was a given when I discovered Buddhism even before I knew its name that I would follow that tradition as the Dharma or the teachings come from within and not from any official source and the same goes for Taoism. I am not saying that those who need a book such as the Bible are wrong. No, it is a different path and all paths lead to the same thing in the end.
For me, writing is a basic form of my spiritual practice. When sorrow hits as it often does each of us, I have always found my journal to be a source of great relief and comfort. The Dharma teaches me truths that helps me in this regard. The purists in these religions are forever correcting me in many of my use of terms and concepts. Again, I am comfortable in my individual practice and don't much care about getting "it right" according to certain tradition. I just don't think it is all that important. It is the effect that is important. My beliefs change over the years and I am fine with that too.
Yesterday, someone was very angry at her situation in life and to lash out at the anger that was given to her threw some on me. It hurt me very badly, but I was determined not to let the anger and sorrow that I felt, not travel any further. At least this portion stopped with me. It felt as if someone took a knife and stabbed me with it. It hurt because I care about certain people and it involved those people. I had to go over the situation and visit my part in it. In the past, I did react to her with anger so that part I was guilty. The rest I was not. I felt really bad. I felt as if my Christmas was ruined.
I took my journal out and started to write. I wrote and wrote and soon I was able to leave the emotions that I had felt on the page. I drew pictures and left more on the page. Then I began to remember the things that my own Buddhist traditions and Dharma had taught me. Soon, I was doing other things and started to enjoy the holiday. I had just gotten back from Korea and was alone. However, I really wasn't alone. Soon, I was doing what I wanted to do. It is seeing life from another perspective.
When I was in Korea, I did not have a television so I did not watch it. I could not get the programs that I followed here in this country. I love the program, Eureka. I watched a program on Hulu that I could not watch there either. It was about the sheriff not being able to leave the town of Eureka and being stuck there during Christmas. Someone had left a hydrogen crystal that seemed to be growing bigger and the scientist had disappeared. Then they looked at it from a different perspective and the crystal wasn't growing at all. The town was shrinking. Well, Sheriff Carter and his common sense yet again gets Eureka out of another mess. The program made me laugh. I stopped feeling sorry for myself.
It is amazing how much people like to control others. That includes setting up rules for other people including writers. When I started this blog for writers, I thought I was like other writers and maybe I am except I don't believe in all of those rules. I do believe in journals and in writing meditation at least for me. I never know what I feel and think about certain things until I write about it. Journals help me keep a more organized mind. When I was a social worker, I used to get in trouble all of the time from my supervisor for having a messy desk. I never cared to have one that was super clean and sterile. I cared about the people in my caseload. I never have nightmares about them as my supervisor did and had to eventually quit.
Sorrow and joy will come. They are very transitory. They never stay for long. Writing about them helps when one becomes almost unbearable and the other forgettable.
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