Dark Hour of Despair

What happens when the dark hour of despair turns out to be a dark day, week, month and so on of despair? When I am writing on my own blog, I try to have the answer before I begin. What does a writer do when she or he turns around and faces rejection on everyone or those we treasured the most? We feel despair and then we pick up the pen otherwise we die. When we feel totally alone in the world and we have gotten old enough when most of our friends have died, we feel the dark night of despair we turn to the spiritual guides but we do it with writing.

Certainly, what is happening to me right now is not unique. When times are hard,writers, artists, are busy expressing themselves through their art. That is why so much of what humans are capable in artistic endeavor develops in hard times. I was born into hard times surrounded by good times. It remains to be seen if I can rise above what has happened to be the artist and writer I need to be in order to express what is happening to me and not fall down to the suspicion that it is not happening but in my mind, the black hole of all writers that rises up as a black wall to stop the words from coming from the mind and soul and yes from the heart. In short, I must believe in myself and my vision.

In all writers, there is a center where doubt comes up and becomes, if allowed, the black hole of despair and decay, some call it the monkey mind and others call it a writer's block, the gray cloud, or whatever. It stops one from believing in one self. Every single writer has a valid message and work to give to the world. It may not end up in the Canon of memorable fiction or non-fiction but every writer if he or she is true to their craft has something valid to offer. One must believe in that. As the putting of one foot in front of another, it is the putting of one word after the other in spite of the fact that others might not agree it does not matter you must believe, the writer must believe.

Some people write and no one reads. That is the miracle of the Internet. I put my stuff out there and some people read. My despair does not involve my ability to communicate for that is coming along just fine. It is my personal life where my family sees me differently than I do. That could be a point of sadness when love becomes a trap, a way of controlling another. I find that intolerable.

I have had love affairs in my life, some consummated and others not; but the greatest love affair I ever had is the one I am still having with the English language. It has been a wild ride that I am determined to continue. It is most useful when the darkest hour of despair is upon me as it is right now. Could anyone ask for anything else?