Realistic expectations

A friend of mine, who has been in a relationship for some time, was asked by his girlfriend why he loved her. He was stumped. He had no idea. He just knew he did. He told me that he thought at the time that he thought it was one of those questions that had no answer such as why he was a writer. He had no idea about that either although that subject had a lot to do with the previous question. His girlfriend was getting tired of waiting for him to make enough money for them to get married. He was not making a lot of money writing and did not want to make the final commitment to marriage while making so little. That relationship is still brewing.

His girlfriend, who is also a friend of mine, said he was not realistic about his writing and wanted her boyfriend to get a "real job". She was not a writer and did not understand why he even tried to get a writing career going as it did not seem realistic. Oh, oh. The word, 'realistic'. They are young and to be fair the girlfriend is working hard in getting a career started herself. She prides herself in being realistic about her career choice which is in nursing and looking at the future when they could have children. They are both in their early 30's and of course the girlfriend's biological clock is ticking. The boyfriend is a very talented writer but barely makes enough money to support himself and often takes part-time work through-out the year. He does not want to lose her, but also does not want to stop writing either. He is hoping he will not get to the "either or" stage in his private life. He will not consider his girlfriend supporting them both. I guess it is male pride. He also loves his life as a writer and would not want to have to choose.

I was reading a article this morning and it said basically that when someone demands someone to be realistic they are really demanding you to accept their version of reality and reject your own. (The Tiny Buddha http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-on-whats-realistic).
As in many things, reality is so relative and in writing is especially so because the writer is putting down a version of his or her reality. A writer can try to put down what everyone will accept as a general version or put down the writer's. I am of the opinion that the writer will be happiest when the more honest version is used; but then history of literature is full of instances of writers producing work that was not accepted until the writer was long dead. That is not a admirable condition. Dead but rich does not make sense. Teaching English is not a bad job when you consider that many writers often drive cabs, work as night watchmen, seamen, sell from door to door, housewives, social workers, and so on. D.H. Lawrence was actually trained as a teacher until he ran off with someone's wife which in his time was a big no no. He could no longer teach anymore.

So what do you do when someone demands that you as a writer be more realistic? I guess it depends on how hungry you are. I have been lucky in that I was working at other jobs. That could be viewed as unlucky too. I had other mouths to feed. I felt like I was living two or more lives and if I could live my life again I would preferred to have lived just one. On the other hand, I don't regret my children. It is so easy to add responsibilities to one's life and I am glad I did not walk out the door.

Now, I do what I want to do. It makes life so much easier. There are so many articles directed towards writers to research the market and then to perform much like a trained seal. I am not a performing writer but an artist who is also a writer. I think if a writer does not want to be realistic or to be more accurate conform to someone else's expectations then don't. If you do, writing becomes a chore and not much fun. You might as well count widgets.